I have no connection to the kids. I only see them for a couple hours. I don't get to know anything about them, I can't even remember their names most of the time.
On that end. I had a really good day today. My group was fantastic. The kids were just great! They were excited and ready to learn. They grasped onto the bigger concept. They related everything back to the earth. When I sand "Dirt Made My Lunch" a kid in my group knew exactly what I was talking about because he had been paying attention throughout the day. This just filled me with joy! Most of the kids were also asking me when I would be there so that they could come back and visit me. I felt like this was the first day that I actually began to connect with kids, but of course, it is not really going to ever pan out to make a community from it.
I will say though, I am burned out. I show up not too excited about teaching. I get excited when I have good groups like today.
I think one thing that I want and crave is evaluation. I agree with Jabin that at times, I feel like the cheapest of all labor and wonder what I am getting out of all of this. It makes me feel like I am being used, and I am the one that is going into a large amount of debt for this. I know that this is part of the program, but sometime I wonder what I am learning. I am yearning to be back in the classroom so that I am engaged in my education. So, I have a thought on how to possibly improve it. I would like to be observed. I think that if I were being observed and evaluated on a regular basis I would feel as though I was learning something. I know that one day we will get evaluated, but I feel it is too late. We should have been observed and evaluated on our first day, then again a few weeks later, and again towards the end. This way, I would at least see myself improving and be getting constructive criticism instead of beating myself up and being my own critic of my teaching.
I also have looked at the schedule and realized that I was scheduled and have worked more days than anyone else. I am not complaining. I don't think this was as attack on me in any way. But, when I looked at everyone, there is really no "set" amount of days given across the board. Jabin, Kati, and I have 22+ days that we have worked. Leah, Rachel, and Tanya have about 19-20 days. I know it is not a big difference, but I think I can feel it. I think it could have been spread apart and shared among us so that people like me are not working 5-6 more days than other people in the program.
Again, please do not take this as a complaint. It is something I have noticed over the weeks. I have noticed that some of us are there more than others. I think that it would help if it were equally split between us. I know that this is not intentional and I do not blame anyone, but I thought it should be addressed.
When I was working at camp I left tired so much of the time. But once I got outside and started leading activities with groups, I got so much energy. I love that feeling, even though there are times when I look at tiny children and really have nothing to say. I suppose I count on them not really knowing ackwardness for it to be ok.
ReplyDeleteI have also counted the days. On the sheets we got, I have worked 21 days (including observation days, didn't have one for farm craft coordinator). I think that the multitasking and meetings has added alot to the stress and work load. THis is not the free time Dave gave the impression of for working on our projects.